All the lovely people….
25 May 2012 Leave a Comment
#43
I want to tell you something about myself.
I’ve been dwelling on this part of myself lately, and wishing that the people around me knew it. It could potentially create peace in otherwise chaotic relationships. Suddenly it occurred to me; why not write it in a blog post?
So, if you are my friend, I hope that you read this. Especially if you are a guy. Because what I’m about to share especially pertains to you. No, I’m not giving you permission to stop reading if you are a girl. XP
I love people. People in general are so interesting. Specific people are even more interesting. I love people so much, that I enjoy being friends with them whenever I can.
And when I say people, I mean both females and males. Some people I know seem to only count others of their own gender as people. The opposite gender aren’t people apparently; they must be some sort of alien form. 0_O You can totally be a people person, and ignore half of the world’s population of people.
Again I stress, I like people. If it was possible, I would be friends with everybody. I would know everything about everybody. Unfortunately, that is NOT possible. So, I at least enjoy knowing everything that I can about the people I can be friends with.
I value friendships quite a bit. If I consider us friends, and feel like you agree, I’ll put effort into our relationship. One of the greatest things I’ve experienced is mutual affection. It makes me so happy when I can tell a friend really cares for me. And I HATE even the thought of loosing a friendship. Or loosing the chance of a friendship.
I don’t think I’ve been all of this my entire life, but I am now. I think I have always valued friendships almost to an exorbitant amount, but I’ve been somewhat exclusive in the past, and I have historically focused primarily on females. The fascinating human-ness of boys has, I admit, escaped me for the majority of my life.
Since a lot of this is new for me, much of my friend-making skills are still developing. Especially with guys. I will admit, I have failed so many times in the past couple of years in my attempt to figure out how to interact with guys. If you are one of those people whom I’ve failed, I’ll take this opportunity to apologize. I’m sorry! Please forgive me.
However, guys, here are a few key facts about me that I want you to know:
I probably want to be your friend! I am not the kind of person that needs to be attracted to a boy in order to enjoy his company. Remember, I find most people just plain interesting.
I also am not the kind of person who can no longer be friends with a guy if I AM attracted to him. I still want to be his friend, whatever happens.
If you think I like you, but you can’t return the favor, please don’t back off, or stop being my friend, in order to “save my feelings.” I value our friendship more than I value any attraction I might have for you. If you feel you need to, you can gently let me know that you aren’t interested in me that way, but please don’t stop being my friend.
If you are attracted to me, don’t assume that I like you back. It’s definitely possible, but it’s also possible that I’m just trying to be a good friend. I’m so sorry if I end up hurting you in this way. ;( I don’t want to. I’m still trying to find where the line between friend and more than friend lies with some people. Everybody is different, you know…. Please remember that I value you as a person.
What you can take from this is that, if you want to be my friend, no need to fear! Go for it, and I’ll appreciate the openness.
Now, I understand that some of YOU may have a hard time being just friends with girls. I understand. If you don’t feel safe being just friends with me for your own sake, that’s alright. I’ll try to respect your decision (if I can tell that this is your decision….)
Of course, some others of you might find it impossible to distinguish a girl’s female-hood from her person-hood, making it hard to be friends with any girls you aren’t interested in romantically. I know at least one boy like that. To be perfectly honest, I think it’s kind of sad. ;( You guys are missing out on knowing some really cool people. Well, it’s not really any of my business, so whatever.
Ok. I think that’s all I have to say. I hope I communicated this well, and that you understood my gist. If any of this seems wrong, let me know, ok?
Lonely
22 May 2012 2 Comments
#42
Ah, it’s been entirely too long between blog posts. ;( I need to get back into the habit of writing these. Life’s been busy, and I’ve been distract-able. >_>
Anyways, ever feel like this:
“Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a love-less landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake someone else up, so that they can feel this way, too.”
-Lemony Snicket
I know I have. Not lately, thank goodness, but there have definitely been nights when I’ve cried at legions of imaginary (and some real) woes.
I love his advice. I’ve never taken it myself, and I can’t imagine being selfish enough to take it anytime in the near future, but I’m definitely the kind of person who WISHES she could. >_> I’m a straaange person….
Anyhoo, that’s all I have for now. I really want to share some more soon, though. =)
Two weeks notice
19 May 2012 Leave a Comment
in Life Updates
#41
I’m leaving for my missions trip two weeks from today!!! 0_0
If you were thinking about writing a letter for me to open while I’m gone, you’ve only got two weeks left!
Also, if you want to get a call from me mid-week, let me know! I know I’ll be calling my family, but I might want to converse with some of my friends while I’m gone as well. ^_^
Trip to Pluto, anyone?
16 May 2012 1 Comment
in Life Updates
#40
Yay! I’m 10 away from being half-way to my goal! =)
I’ve been wanting to write here for a while, but I’ve been so dreadf’ly busy. I’ve had ideas stacking up in my mind. Buuuut, right now I just want to share some life updates. And ramble. Definitely ramble.
But wait, first I need to play some music and get comfortable.
. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
I’m back! Ah, it’s fun to be able to write whatever I bloody want. I just finished my final Comp II paper, so a blog post is quite refreshing. ^_^
Here’s what my incredibly busy weekend has in store for me:
Thursday morning/early afternoon I’m going to college for the last time this semester (YAY!) to do my Comp final.
Then, after getting *hopefully* an hour at home, I leave again for work, followed directly by Comedy Improv practice. We have a show coming up, on the 26th (last Saturday of May). It’s going to be Dr. Seuss themed! If you live in the area, and you’re free that evening, you should definitely come! It’s going to be… very, very, strange. >)
Then, Friday, is going to be very long and weary. I’m cleaning a house in the morning, and hopefully getting done and home in time to take a shower and leave again for work by 3:30. After work I’m going to help at a babysitting fundraiser for the missions trip (which is in a little over 2 weeks!!!!).
Whew.
Saturday, we’re having an Alien movie marathon at our house. So, thankfully, I’ll get a bit of a breather.
But then, again, I’m leaving that evening for a poetry-related friend gathering.
Aaaaand, Sunday is a swing dance workshop!
Ooooh yeah!
And that, I hope, is the end of the craziness. For a little while, at any rate. Or until I decide at a moment of weakness to take a trip to Pluto.
Oh, I love this song! And the music video, while not at all like what you’d think listening to the song, is kind of a hoot. Let’s stop writing and watch it!
;P
Ahh. Well, ok, I think I’m gonna have to be done with this wandering blog post.
I’m sorry if this was a pointless waste of your time. I’ve got a couple of purposeful posts culminating, so just hang in there! =)
How long must I wait?
09 May 2012 Leave a Comment
in Music
#39
I found another theme song for my life! ^_^ I’ve known this song for a while, but I actually listened to the words lately, and it stuck out this time. ”You Can’t Hurry Love” by Phil Collins.
I need love, love,
Oh, to ease my mind.
And I need to find time,
Someone to call mine.My mama said, “You can’t hurry love.
No, you’ll just have to wait.”
She said, “Love don’t come easy,
But it’s a game of give and take.”You can’t hurry love.
No, you’ll just have to wait.
Just trust in a good time,
No matter how long it takes.How many heartaches must I stand,
Before I find the love to let me live again?
Right now the only thing that keeps me hanging on,
When I feel my strength, oh, it’s almost gone,I remember mama said, “You can’t hurry love.
No, you’ll just have to wait.”
She said, “Love don’t come easy,
It’s a game of give and take.”How long must I wait?
How much more must I take,
Before loneliness,
Will cause my heart, heart to break?No, I can’t bear to live my life alone!
I grow impatient for a love to call my own.
But when I feel that I, I can’t go on,
Well, these precious words keep me hanging on,I remember mama said, “You can’t hurry love.
No, you’ll just have to wait.”
She said, “Love don’t come easy,
Well, it’s a game of give and take.”You can’t hurry love.
No, you’ll just have to wait.
Just trust in a good time,
No matter how long it takes, now break!Now love, love don’t come easy.
But I keep on waiting,
Anticipating for that soft voice,
To talk to me at night.
For some tender arms,
Hold me tight.
I keep waiting.
Oh, till that day.
But it ain’t easy (Love don’t come easy),
No, you know it ain’t easy.My mama said, “You can’t hurry love.
No, you’ll just have to wait.”
She said, “Love don’t come easy,
But it’s a game of give and take.”You can’t hurry love.
No, you’ll just have to wait.
She said, “Love don’t come easy,
It’s a game of give and take.”
See! See! Ah, it’s strange how any songs or quotes that validate my experiences and feelings seem wonderful to me, even when they can be depressing at times. Kind like the song “Love Stinks.” Ever listen to the words in that one? XP Sometimes, it sure seems true…. Especially the first verse.
But, back to the original song. ”You Can’t Hurry Love” isn’t super pessimistic, but it’s not really optimistic either. It’s not promising anything, that I can tell. It’s just trying to express a need, and set realistic expectations. Which, for some reason, is comforting enough for me. A sappy song won’t make me happy when I’m down, because I won’t believe it’s true (or I won’t believe it applies to me).
That’s all I have. And no, I’m not depressed at the moment. ^_^ I’m pretty neutral for now.
Help! I need somebody, help!
06 May 2012 Leave a Comment
in Life Updates
#38
Dear friends,
I’m going on a week-long mission’s trip to the Warm Springs reservation this June. I wrote and sent a letter about it, both to let people know what I was up to, and to ask for support. A lot of you might probably actually get one of these letters in the mail in a day or two, but if you don’t, please read a slightly altered version here! (Just so’s you know, I put some of my heart into this letter.)
Hey, what do you know, another mission’s trip letter! ;P Before you roll your eyes and just skim the rest of the letter, finish reading this paragraph! It’s possible you get several of these letters every year, so I’m going to try to make mine slightly different. We shall see how successful I am. 
First, I’d like to share with you a little bit about why I want to go to the Native American Warm Springs Reservation again (this will be my third time). I mean, unlike some of my very coolest friends, I don’t really feel called to missions as a life purpose. Missions are great, but it seems to me as though my personality and tastes are better suited to a smaller, more subtle way of loving God and others.
However, when I went to Warm Springs for the first time two years ago, it was REALLY good for me. I am a creature of habit; sometimes, when I get into a life-groove, I forget to keep my mind open for ways to love and serve in new ways. The misson’s trip to Warm Springs, both years, has been an incredible aid to my spiritual growth. I love the opportunity to forget myself for a week, and focus on serving others. Good practice for, well, pretty much every other part of life. =)
Plus, I appreciate the humble attitude the Oak Hills team always stresses. We don’t have any power to change hearts or lives by ourselves, but we can love. We go there to love people, and we trust God will do what He wills with it.
I’m leaving early on June 2nd, and will get back home on the 9th. If you want to learn more about the people who organize these mission trips, Sacred Road Ministries, look, here’s a link to their website! ^_^ I also have DVDs with footage from both years I’ve gone; if you’re interested in watching one or both, let me know.
Now, we get down to the part that you all knew was coming. Oh noes! Don’t worry, I’m going to try to make this the least painful that I can. There are three ways in which you can help:
1. Pray for me! And don’t wait till the week I’m gone, pray for me right now! Yes, I’ve been twice before, but I’m still really nervous about leaving. It’s going to be hard. It’s going to involve a lot of physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual work, and I’m not sure I’m up to the challenge. 0_0 So, please, pray for both me and the entire team, that we would be able to do our best to reflect God’s love.
2. Yeah, I AM trying to raise money. $1,100, to be specific. But I know that you’ve already been so generous in the past (probably), so this year I’m offering an alternative. Instead of just asking for money, I would like to offer you my services in exchange for any donation. I am pretty much a Jess-of-all-trades; I can clean houses (I’ve done so professionally), do laundry and dishes, cook, babysit, tutor, teach any skill that I have, or pretty much any mindless labor that doesn’t require specialized skills, with some instruction. Feel free to be creative! I’m currently pretty busy with preparing for finals, but I’ll be able to schedule appointments mid-may or later. I may have to get to some of you after I return from my trip. Also, I’m preparing to make hair scrunchies to sell. Let me know if you’d like to make a donation for a mystery set of three!
If you’d like to take me up on either offer, here’s what to do: contact me (email, Facebook, or even commenting on this here blog post are all great contact options) to let me know that you’re interested in supporting me financially, and what kind of job/order you have in mind. We can start settling appointment details, and I’ll get you an address to send your check to. (We need the funds as soon as possible to purchase plane tickets, so I’m asking people to donate as soon as we’ve started setting up an appointment.)
3. The final (and most important) way that I’m asking you to help is probably the most troublesome (sorry!). The last two years I’ve gone, I think the hardest thing I’ve had to deal with on the trip is homesickness. *_* I’m going to miss the wonderful friends I have here in Kansas. So, here’s how YOU can help! If you like, please spend a couple of minutes to write me a letter to open and read while on my upcoming trip. Feel free to be as little or as super creative as you like. Draw a picture (or let your child draw a picture), compose a poem, or just write any thoughts you might have about how you feel about the trip, or about me, or about some unrelated tropic. It doesn’t matter WHAT you write; anything from you will be a delightful reminder of home.
Put it in an envelope, label the envelope “FOR WARM SPRINGS” so that I know not to open it yet, and send it to my address. (Ask either me or my family, since I don’t want to publish it here.)
And that’s all! I hope that you now feel more updated about my life, even if you can’t help this year. I know this was a long letter, so thank you SO much for taking the time to read it!
Peace!
-Jessica Sue-Anna Ledbetter
An imaginary romance
03 May 2012 1 Comment
in Music
#37
“You are the hole in my head.
You are the space in my bed.
You are the silence in between what I thought and what I said.
You are the night time fear.
You are the morning when it’s clear.
When it’s over, you’re the start.
You’re my head and you’re my heart!”
-Florence and the Machine (No Light No Light)
“You’re my picture on the wall,
You’re my vision in the hall,
You’re the one I’m talking to,
When I get in from my work.
You’re my guy, and you don’t even know it,
I am living out the life of a poet.
I am the jester in the ancient court,
And you’re the funny little frog in my throat.”
-God Help the Girl (Funny Little Frog)
I don’t have time to comment; make your own observations about how these two songs relate to each other. ^_^
The next best thing
23 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
in Literature
#36
“Where’s your wife now?” The teakettle started to whistle.
“Oh,” he said, “she died twenty-four years ago! Long time ago! Yesterday, in my life!”
“Oops.”
“It’s OK!”
“You don’t feel bad that I asked about her? You can tell me if you do.”
“No!” he said. ”Thinking about her is the next best thing!”
-Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer
I’m half way through this book, and I like it so far, even though it’s not the usual kind of fiction I pick up to read. It’s a DRAMA. ;P
The main boy character, though it hasn’t been said outright, has a form of autism, I think. This would be the second book I’ve read from the perspective of an autistic child, and once again, I have thoughts that maybe my brain works a little bit similarly in some ways.
Anyway, just FYI, this book is not one for the weak of heart, so if you’re thinking of reading it, ask me for specifics first. ^_^
It’s ok to loose; forget your life expectancy; don’t work; fall in love
22 Apr 2012 2 Comments
in Literature, Mundane Musings
#35
My dad shared an article (actually, a commencement speech) with me the other day, and I liked it, so I want to share parts with you. ^_^
By the way, it was written by a guy named Adrian Tan. Apparently, he’s written a book called The Teenage Textbook, but I’ve never heard of him before.
There is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.
And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.”
He he he. ^_~ Found this funny, though I’m not necessarily endorsing it. (I can’t very well, seeing as I’m the female, now can I?) ;P
I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.
After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.
Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.
That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.
If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. . . .
What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.
Ha ha. NOT typical for a commencement speech, is it. Rather harsh in some ways, kind of like a slap in the face. But, strangely, somewhat satisfying for me. What can I say, I’m strange, and I like it when others validate my right to be different, for worse, or for better? O_o
The most important is this: do not work.
Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.
Work kills. The Japanese have a term ‘Karoshi’, [^_^] which means death from over work.
Note from Jessica: do you see the comma after the quote marks? That’s how I found it. You know why? Because the author of this piece is NOT American. Elsewhere, it’s normal to punctuate outside of the quote marks. Interesting, neh? Ok, back to our train of thought. Death from work. ^_^
That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle says. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.
There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are ‘making a living’. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing life doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.
People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan ‘Arbeit macht frei’ was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.
Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.
Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.
I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.
So what should you do? You will find our own niche. . . .
Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.
Hmm. Wow. Again, NOT typical. However, optimist that I am, I want to agree with it. So badly.
Fall in love.
I didn’t say ‘be loved’. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.
Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It [is] far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.
Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the [true] worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.
Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm. You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.
You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.
Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.
I have a few comments on this section. First, that I like this section. Second, that I wish he had expounded on his brief comment on the importance of choosing the “right person” to love. Third, that every experience of love that I’ve had has matched his description of the slow, root and branching kind of love. Fourth, it actually is HARD for your love to not be reciprocated, whether it is romantic love or otherwise. And fifth, I don’t quite understand how his last paragraph reconciles with his slow love theory. O_o
Like a cow!
20 Apr 2012 Leave a Comment
in Life Updates
#34
So, I got the flu for the first time in years yesterday. Not very much fun. However, there’s a positive side to getting sick.
The day after, when the worst is over, feels so good! I’m not fully well yet, but I’ve been pretty happy today just to be able to stand up without feeling weak and nauseous. And, after taking a day off of eating anything, crackers and Sprite taste heavenly. ^_^
Also, my Mom and a few of my friends were awesome. Mom sat and talked with me for at least an hour to keep me company. -^_^- A couple of my friends texted me when they heard that I was sick (made my day!). One friend sent a little note (made of duck tape) home with my brother. ;) I have to say, I would have been much more miserable without these.
Well, I guess I don’t really have much more to write.
Oh, except, I had a thought yesterday.
Cows are boss. How DO they do it?
Think about it. (Let me know when you get it.) XP
